Family Divisions by Dudley Marvin Canright

Seventh-day Adventist Publishing Association · Battle Creek, Mich. · Apr 9, 1872

Family Divisions.

By Dudley Marvin Canright

BY ELD. D. M. CANRIGHT.

Division in the family is a very unhappy circumstance, looked at in its best light, and a thing to be avoided as far as possible, when it can be done without sacrificing principles of right. “How can two walk together except they be agreed?” and how can two live together except they be agreed? Harmony and unison of sentiment and action in a family is a thing greatly to be desired. Yet the religion of Christ and of the Bible, from the days of Abel and of Cain till the present time, has often had to bear the responsibility of making a division of families; and no slight odium is brought upon it by this fact, though very unjustly.

The advocates of present truth have to meet this in almost every place they go. Some member of the family, frequently the wife, sometimes the husband, perhaps a son or daughter, becomes convicted of their duty to obey God and keep all his commandments. They fear God—they have a regard for the right, and they are conscientious in obeying what they are convinced is the law of God; but other members of the family do not see the arguments of God’s word in the same light, or do not care to obey if they do see, and feel much opposed to having any members of the family obey it. Often a strong and violent opposition is raised in this manner, hard things are said, threats are made, and all the blame is thrown on the one who wishes to embrace what he or she regards as God’s truth.

What shall be done in such cases? We think there can be no question as to what is duty; and it is very clear with whom the responsibility should rest. There was a division in Adam’s family between Abel and Cain. It was carried so far as to finally result in Abel’s martyrdom. Cain slew Abel—“and wherefore slew he him? Because his own works were evil, and his brother’s righteous.” 1 John 3:12. Cain’s hatred of God and of his truth was the immediate cause of this division. All the responsibility rested with him, not with Abel.

Abraham’s family was divided—Isaac and Ishmael. Isaac’s family was divided—Jacob and Esau. Yet in each case the one that made all the trouble and division was the one who did not care to obey God. When Christ came, though the Prince of Peace, and though his advent was heralded with these gracious words, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men” (Luke 2:14), and though he said, “Blessed are the peace-makers” (Matt. 5:19), yet no man ever made greater division, ever divided more families—husband and wife, parents and children, than this same Prince of Peace. Hear his own words: “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. He that findeth his life shall lose it; and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.” Matt. 10:34–39.

Thus Christ announces the fact beforehand that his religion would have the effect to divide families, one member against another. The result has fully proved his words to be true. The most bitter hatred and lasting divisions, in every age, have been produced by the preaching of Christ.

But, if such fruits follow, should we not then reject the gospel? No, indeed; for really it is not responsible for any of these things, though they always follow with it. Every individual, whatever his or her social condition in life may be, whether it be husband or wife, son or daughter, is under the highest obligation to obey the just and holy God, and love Christ who has died for us. Neither of these duties is inconsistent with the proper discharge of our duties in the family, and to all around us. Indeed, the very aim of true religion is to make better husbands, better wives, and better children.

But why then is there division? For this good reason, namely: It very frequently happens that, while one member of the family, say the wife, fears God, has a tender conscience, and wishes to be a true child of God, the husband, or some other member of the family, does not feel so inclined. One wants to do right, the other does not. This necessarily produces division; but who is to blame? Not the one who does right, but the one who does not do right; and it will always be found that the last-named persons are the ones who make all the trouble when there is any division in the family. They are the ones who find fault, who say hard words, who make unreasonable demands, and who produce all the ill feelings and inconveniences that grow out of the division. They do not obey God themselves, and they are determined that no one else shall, so far as they are able to prevent it. They claim the right to believe and act just as they think proper without any compulsion from anybody else. But this right they are not willing to concede to their companions and other members of the family. All must think and act just as they do or there will be a fuss. This is the reason why the gospel and the truth always have produced divisions, and always will.

Paul encountered the same difficulty in his labors, to such an extent that he found it necessary to give to husbands and wives directions how to act in such cases. He says, “If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases; but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all the churches.” 1 Cor. 7:12–17.

His advice then is that the believing husband or wife should not depart from, or leave, the unbelieving companion. Though they do oppose them, they are not at liberty to do this. But he does say that, if the unbelieving husband or wife is so much displeased with them for obeying the Lord as to leave them, let them go. The truth and the service of God should not be compromised to serve them. We should obey God rather than man, whoever that man may be. This is the teaching of the Holy Bible on that point, and it is certainly in

harmony with sound sense and common justice. But let us be a little more particular, and illustrate what we mean.

Sister A., after proper investigation and due consideration, is thoroughly convinced that the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord, and that every Christian ought to keep it. She desires to be a true child of God—to obey every known requirement of his. She fears the Lord and has a tender conscience; but her husband does not see it in that light. He does not believe that the seventh day is the Sabbath, or else thinks it does not make any difference what day she keeps; or, not choosing to obey God himself, he does not wish her to keep the Sabbath at any rate. He argues that it will be inconvenient in the family for him to keep one day and her another, &c. Finally, he becomes very much opposed, and requires her to give it up. Now what is her duty in that case? We answer, If the word of God is of any authority, there is no question as to her duty. She must obey God rather than man.

The first and great command is to love God with all thy heart. No relation in life, neither that of wife, nor child, nor citizen, nor subject, can free any one from this duty. As a wife, she is under many and great obligations to her husband and family; but none of these interfere with her proper obedience to the law of God. The man who will not allow his wife this privilege is exceedingly unreasonable. 1. She is a moral, responsible, and personal individual, as well as himself. She does not lose this individual responsibility by her marriage. 2. Her conscience, her sincere belief, her judgment, her convictions of duty, should be respected as well as his. 3. He has no right, in the eyes of God or man, to make his conscience and his desires the rule for her conduct. 4. Any man who has proper love and respect for his wife will be willing to grant her these rights. 5. None but an unreasonable and tyrannical husband would require his wife to yield her conscientious convictions of religious duty, to please him.

If the case be reversed and the wife opposes her husband, the same principle holds good. If these principles are not correct, then we can see no meaning to the language of Christ previously quoted, and the following: “If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.” “So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:26, 33. The desires or commands of a husband or wife, father or mother, do not release any one from obeying the requirements of God. God will hold them accountable in the Judgment.

During an experience of several years, I have had a good chance to observe the different plans which some members of the family will use to hinder others from obeying God. The first, and most violent, class make a great ado—threaten to part with their companions, to leave them, to turn them out of doors, and even to kill them, &c., if they do not give up the truth. Too frequently they succeed by this means in scaring them out of it. But frequently I have seen persons who could not be scared in that manner. They had too much common sense, moral courage, and fear of God, to yield to such unreasonable demands and threats. What has been the consequence? Invariably, without a single exception so far as I have ever known, they have succeeded in getting along first rate, and without any further trouble.

The opposing party never carry out their threats. They are the very last ones that will do it. It is a common proverb, but a very sound one, that barking dogs never bite. If the believing companions, in such cases, will take a straightforward, calm, and consistent course, they will gain the victory, and be left ever afterward to enjoy their religious freedom; but, if they yield on the start to the unreasonable and unjust demands of the opposing companions, their liberty is gone, and gone forever. They can set it down as a settled fact that they can never enjoy any liberty of conscience after that. This I have seen tried so many times that I know whereof I affirm.

A second class of opposers take a little more gentle course. They say, You can live out your religious convictions privately, if you will only stay away from the meetings, will not be baptized, will not join the church, &c. After a year’s trial, if you still wish to go, then you may do so. This seems to be more plausible, but it accomplishes its purpose full as effectually as the other, if not more so. The person who yields to this, in the first place, gives up his or her rightful liberty into the hands of another; and in the second place, is shut away from all privileges of the house of God and of receiving any further instructions or encouragement from the prayers, example, exhortations, and teachings of the brethren. Very few persons will continue faithful to the light first received. Their former convictions wear off. They forget the evidence in favor of the truth, lose sight of the importance of obeying it, become discouraged, and finally give it up. The devil rejoices, and a soul is lost.

It is a peculiarly trying position, as we well know, for one in the family to embrace the truth and live it out, while all the rest are opposed to it. It brings great responsibility upon that individual, and he will need much wisdom, prudence, and the help of God. But there are many considerations which should strengthen them for this task. 1. Their own soul’s salvation is at stake. They cannot afford to lose this for family, for friends, or for the world. 2. If this truth is important for them, it is equally important for their family. In the providence of God, one member of the family has been reached and made to see the importance of the truth, while the rest of the family are still blind, and have no love for it. Now, if the one who sees the light turns from it, in all probability none of the rest of the family will ever embrace it, and thus all will be lost together.

On the other hand, if any one member of the family will consistently live it out before them daily, it will keep the truth constantly before them, keep their attention called to it, and give them a living example of its power and beauty. By such a course, if there is any tender spot in their soul, any desire to know the right and to do it, they will sooner or later be brought to embrace it. How often, how repeatedly, I have seen this accomplished. Sometimes it is months, frequently years, and sometimes ten or fifteen years. What a glorious victory! worth a life’s effort. It is an end to be coveted rather than to be shunned. If, by patience, by a faithful life of earnest, daily prayer, we can finally succeed in bringing our dear friends to love and obey the Lord and his truth, how great a satisfaction it will be to us, and what a glorious reward in the kingdom of God. All should view it in this light, and then set themselves determinedly to accomplish it. There is a power in the truth lived out in a godly life, that few can resist.

Sometimes we see great lack of wisdom and lack of the spirit of Christ manifested in those thus situated. They make their views too prominent in the family conversation. They urge them too strongly and too frequently. They do not show that respect for others’ views and feelings that they should. They are too ready to condemn everybody and everything but themselves. They are not as gentle and as accommodating as they ought to be. While they should never yield the truth, nor sacrifice their religious principles, yet in everything where these are not at stake, they should be as gentle and yielding as doves, show daily by words of affection and little acts of kindness that, in receiving the truth, you have received the good spirit of Christ.

Finally, be firm in the truth, never yielding that for friend or foe, but be ever ready to sacrifice anything else to win your friends to the Lord.