MUTUAL FORBEARANCE

Seventh-Day Adventist Publishing Association · Battle Creek, Mich. · Thursday, February 19, 1880.

FromThe Review and Herald, Vol. 55, No. 8

MUTUAL FORBEARANCE.

If we wish to succeed in life, we must learn to take men as they are, and not as they ought to be; making them better if we can, but at the same time remembering their infirmities. We have to deal, not with the ideal man of dreaming poets, but with the real men of every-day life—men precisely like ourselves. This fact of common aims, ambitions, and infirmities ought to create constant sympathy and forbearance. While every man has his own burden to bear, he may at the same time help another to bear his peculiar burden, and be himself helped in turn. God has mysteriously linked all men together by this curious fact of mutual dependence, and this wonderful possibility of mutual help. The poor may be relieved, the sick may be visited, the sorrowing may receive sympathy, the inexperienced may be counseled, the faint-hearted encouraged, and the feeble established. All these, in turn, may help the hand that gives help to them; for God has so ordered it that no man is absolutely independent of his fellows. At the same time we help others, we find by that act our own moral power strengthened, and the time may come when in a more direct way the aid we have extended may be returned.

This principle of mutual forbearance is especially applicable to those mental and moral infirmities of which all men are conscious,—infirmities which make us sometimes detest ourselves, and render us a burden to our friends. Some are peevish and fretful; some have a chronic suspicion that everything will go wrong; some are easily offended, having touchy tempers, as quick as a pistol with a hair-trigger; some have a rough, blunt way of expressing themselves, imagining that they are frank, when they are simply uncivil; some are haughty and overbearing, holding their heads above the common herd; some are headstrong, never yielding a position once taken. These disagreeable traits, in common with others which might be named, have their origin in different sources. They sometimes spring from constitutional peculiarities, and indeed are often hereditary. Some of them may be the result or the symptoms of nervous disorder. Some may be traced directly to defective education. Whatever their origin, we must learn to bear with them. For this forbearance there are several good reasons which commend themselves to Christians, whatever others may think of them. God commands a love for our neighbor which shall equal self-love. His word directs the strong to bear the infirmities of the weak; exhorts us to bear one another’s burdens, declaring that those who do this fulfill the law of Christ, which is the great law of love; and presents for our imitation the wonderful example of Him who pleased not himself. If we can save men by bearing with their infirmities, we ought to do it.

Another reason just as powerful, though appealing more directly to our selfishness, is to be found in the fact that we expect others to bear with us. It surely is not fair for us to ask our fellow-men to make allowance for our infirmities, while we make none for theirs. It is the part of religion as well as good breeding, to avoid, as far as possible, coming in contact with the idiosyncrasies of others, and to take as little notice as we can of their manifestation. We do this in reference to physical deformity; why not in regard to mental or moral defects? We are careful not to tread on a tender toe, not to brush against a broken arm, not to stand in the way of the blind; we ought to be equally careful not to ruffle the temper of the irritable, not to wound the feelings of the sensitive, not to excite the fears of the timid. There must, of course, be a limit to this, since our own rights and feelings must be respected, as well as those of others; but we presume no man who sincerely desires to do right will have any difficulty in fixing the limit. No general rule can be given which will apply to each particular case. Common sense and divine grace must be the guides.

Each man ought to endeavor to lessen the burden he expects others to help him bear. If a man have a bad habit, he ought to try to break himself of it. A man with a foul ulcer or a deformed limb is to be pitied; but he ought not to persist in thrusting the ulcer or the deformity before us on every occasion, insisting that we shall examine it. Let him keep it out of sight as much as possible, get cured if he can, but if that be impossible, say nothing about it. So men ought not to be perpetually obtruding their evil tempers and other infirmities before their friends, imposing on their Christian forbearance, and excusing themselves by saying, “It is my way.” It is a very bad way, and cannot be mended a moment too soon. Less excusable are these infirmities in their continuance than those of the body, since the grace of God is promised to all who seek it, and thus the burdens may be lessened.—Methodist.