ART IN MANNERS | AdventAI

Seventh-day Adventist Publishing Association · Battle Creek, Mich. · Tuesday, March 10, 1885.

FromThe Advent Review and Sabbath Herald, Vol. 62, No. 10. Whole No. 1605.

ART IN MANNERS.

As manners can only be considered from a social point of view, conversation will necessarily occupy a prominent place; and to excel in this art it is essential to be a good listener. People are generally more anxious to speak than listen. They are frequently thinking of what they are going to say rather than of what is being said; and even those who are more polite very often fancy it is sufficient if they seem to be attentive; and yet at the same time their eyes betray an absent mind, and show an impatient desire to continue their own train of thought. When listening, the attention should never be engrossed by any ideas but those of the speaker. Another important element is the art of saying the right word in the right place, a difficulty which seems insuperable to many, and which really is greater than appears at first sight. When listening to the cares and troubles of others, it is scarcely gracious, and certainly not comforting, to give a long list of similar grievances. Nor is it polite, when a friend is shown a painting, sculpture, or other work of art, for him to describe a similar thing, only more valuable, that he has seen elsewhere, or possibly has in his own possession. Several instances might be given of saying the right word in the right place; but one is sufficient. For a host or hostess to introduce subjects with which they know their friends to be familiar is a delicate attention which may pass unnoticed at the time, but will have the good effect of making their guests feel at their ease, and leave a pleasant recollection, as every one likes to talk upon a subject upon which he can talk well. Good humor, or the habit of being easily pleased, is essential to politeness; but as there are often occasions when annoyances will arise, irritation may be concealed by a little attention to “art in manners,” and thus prevent the discomfort being felt by others. Cheerfulness, which is another requisite, enables its fortunate possessor to make the best of circumstances. A gloomy or melancholy individual never loses his self-consciousness.

Manners should be to a man what coloring is to a picture: nothing clashing or contrary to good taste, but all beautifully blended in one harmonious whole. Such a result cannot be obtained by mere outward polish. It lies deeper and springs from the soil of the heart. As our bearing toward others is softened and shaped by the feelings, the cultivation of charity greatly helps to tone down or modify any rough or uncouth manners. Politeness may be a social virtue, but can only be graceful and sincere when springing from refined mind. Kindness of heart will cause its influence to be felt in a gentle bearing towards all; and the secret of “art in manners” may be found by acting on the principle of making every one as happy as lies in our power. Chamber’s Journal.