“My husband then began to publish a small sheet at Middletown, eight miles from Rocky Hill, and often walked this distance and back again, although he was then lame. When he brought the first number from the printing-office, we all bowed around it, asking the Lord, with humble hearts and many tears, to let his blessing rest upon the feeble efforts of his servant. He then directed the paper to all he thought would read it, and carried it to the postoffice in a carpet-bag. Every number was taken from Middletown to Rocky Hill, and always before preparing them for the postoffice, they were spread before the Lord, and earnest prayers mingled with tears, were offered to God that his blessing would attend the silent messengers. Very soon letters came bringing means to publish the paper, and the good news of many souls embracing the truth.
“July 28, 1849, my second child, James Edson White, was born. When he was six weeks old we went to Maine. September 14, a meeting was appointed at Paris. Those who observed the Sabbath of the Lord had not had a meeting for one year and a half. Brethren Bates, Chamberlain and Ralph were present, also brethren and sisters from Topsham. One F. T. Howland, a notable fanatic, was present. He had long troubled God’s children,261with his errors and harsh spirit. Honest souls whom the Lord loved, but who had long been in error, were at the meeting. While engaged in prayer the Spirit of the Lord rested upon Brother S. Howland. His face was white, and a light seemed to rest upon it. He went towards F. T. Howland, and in the name of the Lord bid him leave the assembly of the saints. Said he, ‘You have torn the hearts of God’s children and made them bleed. Leave the house, or God will smite you.’ That rebellious spirit, never before known to fear or to yield, sprang for his hat and in terror left the house. The power of God descended something as it did on the day of Pentecost, and five or six who had been deceived and led into error and fanaticism, fell prostrate to the floor. Parents confessed to their children, and children to their parents, and to one another. Brother J. N. Andrews with deep feeling exclaimed, ‘I would exchange a thousand errors for one truth.’ Such a scene of confessing and pleading with God for forgiveness we have seldom witnessed. That meeting was the beginning of better days to the children of God in Paris, to them a green spot in the desert. The Lord was bringing out Brother Andrews to fit him for future usefulness, and was giving him an experience that would be of great value to him in his future labors. He was teaching him that he should not be influenced by the experience of others, but decide for himself concerning the work of God.
At that meeting I learned that my mother had stepped upon a rusty nail which had passed through her foot. She had tried every remedy, but nothing removed the inflammation, or relieved the pain. We went immediately to Gorham, and found her foot dreadfully swollen. The neighbors had proposed every remedy they could think of, but they accomplished nothing. Mother was threatened with lockjaw.262The next morning we united in prayer for her. I believed that God would restore her to perfect soundness. She was unable to kneel. With a deep sense of my unworthiness, I knelt at my mother’s feet and besought the Lord to touch her with his healing power. We all believed that the Lord heard prayer. With the Spirit of the Lord resting upon me, I bid her in the name of the Lord rise up and walk. His power was in the room, and shouts of praise went up to God. Mother arose and walked the room, declaring that the work was done, that the soreness was gone, and that she was entirely relieved from pain. That day she rode thirty-eight miles to Topsham to attend a conference there, and had no more trouble with her foot.
“Some present at the meeting were anxious to have us visit New York State again; but feeble health sunk my spirits, and it was a time of despondency with me. I told them that I dared not venture unless the Lord should strengthen me for the task. They prayed for me, and the clouds were scattered, yet I did not obtain that strength I so much desired. I resolved to walk out by faith and go, clinging to the promise, ‘My grace is sufficient for you.’ God had been my helper hitherto, and why should I now doubt? The language of my heart was, ‘I will still trust in the strong arm of Jehovah. If like Paul I am to be troubled with a thorn in the flesh, I will not murmur. It will cause me to feel my dependence upon God, and to walk tremblingly before him.’ On that journey our faith was tried, but we obtained the victory. My strength increased, and I could rejoice in God. All the strength the Lord had given me was needed to labor in New York. Many had united upon the truth since our first visit, but there was much to be done for them. I will here give an extract of a letter written by my husband, from Volney, N. Y., November 13, 1849:—
“Dear Brother Howland: November 3, we attended a conference at Oswego. There was a large gathering. The increase of Sabbath-keepers since last spring in this region has been more than one-half. But there are trials here of a serious nature. We find work enough. Here are some fiery spirits who have much zeal and but little judgment, whose principal message is, ‘Sell that ye have and give alms.’ They press the truth in such a manner and spirit as to disgust, try, and harden those who have hundreds of dollars they might use in the cause of God. Thus a sore dividing spirit exists. The Lord has revealed these things to my wife, and she has borne her testimony that both parties were wrong. This testimony I think is received. Tobacco and snuff are being cleared from the camp with very few exceptions. Selling is a subject that should be treated in a cautious manner. A great responsibility rests upon God’s stewards. With their money they may ruin some of us, and by withholding it from those whom God has called to feed the flock, souls may sink, and starve, and die. The Lord will straighten out all who will be straightened. His work will move on.”
“Our labors at this time were difficult. Some of the poor seemed to be envious of the rich, and it needed much wisdom to reprove the errors of the poor without strengthening the hands of the rich. If we reproved the selfishness of the rich, the poorer class would respond, ‘Amen.’ We presented before both classes the responsibility resting upon the wealthy to make a right use of that which God had lent them, and held up before them the suffering cause of God which was the true object of their liberalities. I was also shown that it was not the duty of the wealthy to help those who had health and could help themselves, that some were in very poor circumstances who need not be thus situated.264They were not diligent in business. They lacked economy and good management, and it was their duty to reform. Instead of receiving help from their brethren, they should carefully husband their time and provide for their own families and have something with which to help the cause of God. They were as accountable to God for the strength which he had given them as the rich man is for his property.
“Some of the poor were zealous to attend every conference, taking their whole families with them, consuming a number of days to get to the place of meeting, and then burdening those who provided for the meeting, with their unruly children. These persons were no help in the meetings and they manifested no fruits of receiving any benefit themselves. They seemed to possess a careless, loafing spirit which was an injury to the cause. In this way precious time for which they were accountable was wasted, and in cold weather they must suffer unless helped by their brethren. These things stood in the way of those who had means, as they were constantly vexed with the course of these individuals. And as we labored for the good of the wealthy, these stood directly in our way. It was difficult to impress both classes with a sense of their duty. Yet after much labor and many trials, there seemed to be a reform, and there was more order in the church. The Lord blessed our labors, and often revealed himself to us in remarkable power.
“We designed going to Lorraine to hold a meeting, but our little Edson was taken very sick. We carried this matter before the Lord, and felt it to be our duty to go, trusting in him. We prayed for our sick child, and then I took him in my arms in winter, and rode thirty miles, keeping my heart uplifted to God for his recovery. When we arrived the child was in a perspiration, and was better.265But again our faith was tried. In the course of the meeting the fever returned upon the child. He was suffering with inflammation upon the brain. All night we watched over him, earnestly praying that the disease might be effectually rebuked. We tried to exercise faith, regardless of appearance. Our petitions were heard, and the child recovered. It did seem to us that an angel of God touched him. Our meeting in Lorraine was greatly blessed of God. The hearts of the scattered ones were comforted, and some acknowledged with tears that they had been fed with truth. We returned to Volney free in the Lord.
“We then decided that it was our duty to labor in the State of New York. My husband felt a burden upon him to write and publish. We rented a house in Oswego, borrowed furniture from our brethren, and commenced housekeeping. There my husband wrote, published, and preached. It was necessary for him to keep the armor on every moment, for he often had to contend with professed Adventists who were advocating error, preaching definite time, and were seeking to prejudice all they could against our faith. We took the position that the time they set would pass by. I was shown that the honestly deceived would then see the deception of some whom they then had confidence in, who were zealously preaching time, and they would be led to search for truth.
“We visited Camden about forty miles from Oswego. Previous to going I was shown the little company who professed the truth there, and among them, saw a woman who professed much piety, but was a hypocrite, and was deceiving the people of God. Sabbath morning quite a number collected, but the deceitful woman was not present. I inquired of a sister if this was all their company. She said it was. This woman lived four miles from266the place, and the sister did not think of her. Soon she entered, and I immediately recognized her as the woman whose real character the Lord had shown me. In the course of the meeting she talked quite lengthily, and said that she had perfect love, and enjoyed holiness of heart, that she did not have trials and temptations, but enjoyed perfect peace and submission to the will of God. The brethren and sisters were strangers to me, and they seemed to have confidence in her, and I feared that they would not receive my testimony if I should state what had been shown me in regard to her. I inquired concerning this person, and was informed that she appeared to be the most zealous one among them. I left the meeting with sad feelings, and returned to Brother Preston’s. That night I dreamed that a secret closet was opened to me, filled with rubbish, and I was told that it was my work to clear it out. By the light of a lamp I removed the rubbish, and told those with me that the room could be supplied with more valuable things.
Sunday morning we met with the brethren, and my husband arose to preach on the parable of the ten virgins. He had no freedom in speaking, and proposed that we have a season of prayer. We bowed before the Lord and engaged in earnest prayer. The dark cloud was lifted, and I was taken off in vision, and again shown the case of this woman. She was represented to me as being in perfect darkness. Jesus frowned upon her and her husband. That withering frown caused me to tremble. I saw that she had acted the hypocrite, professing holiness while her heart was full of corruption. After I came out of vision I related with trembling, yet with faithfulness, what I had seen. I was severely tried, and anxious for the people of God. Would those present believe the testimony? The woman put on a calm appearance267and said, ‘I am glad the Lord knows my heart. He knows that I love him.’ Then her husband rose in anger, and laying his hand on the Bible said, ‘The Bible is all we want, I shall not give up the Bible for visions.’ His wife affected to check him, saying, ‘Don’t, husband, dear, don’t talk; the Lord knows me, and will take care of it all.’ Then she vindicated herself, saying, ‘If my heart could only be opened that you might see it.’ I knew the minds of some were unsettled, whether to believe what the Lord had shown me, or let her appearance weigh against the testimony borne. Her appearance was perfectly calculated to gain their sympathy. But I had discharged a painful duty and God would take care of the result. At the close of the meeting she stated that she had no hard feelings against me, and that she should pray for me, and if I got to heaven I would see her there. We returned with Brother P.’s family, and that night the Lord met with us. I believed that the Lord would show his people the truth, and justify the vision. The neighbors said that I had abused the poor woman.
“Not long after this, terrible fear seized this woman. A horror rested upon her, and she began to confess. She even went from house to house among her unbelieving neighbors, and confessed that the man she had been living with for years was not her husband, that she ran away from England and left a kind husband and one child. She also confessed that she had professed to understand medicine, and had taken oath that the bottles of mixture she made cost her one dollar when they cost her only twelve cents, that she had taken thirty dollars from a poor man by taking a false oath. Many such wicked acts she confessed, and her repentance seemed to be genuine. In some cases she restored where she had taken away268wrongfully. In one instance she started on foot forty miles to confess. We could see the hand of God in this matter. He gave her no rest day nor night, until she confessed her sins publicly. This fully justified in the minds of the brethren and those also of their neighbors who sympathized with her for a time what God had shown me of her vileness under the garb of sanctification.
“While in Oswego, N. Y., we decided to visit Vermont and Maine. I left my little Edson, then nine months old, in the care of Sister Bonfoey while we went on our way to do the will of God. We labored very hard, suffering many privations to accomplish but little. We found the brethren and sisters in a scattered and confused state. Almost every one was affected by some error, and all seemed zealous for their own opinions. We often suffered intense anguish of mind in meeting with so few who were ready to listen to Bible truth, while they eagerly cherished error and fanaticism. We were obliged to make a tedious route of forty miles by stage to get to Sutton, the place of our appointment. I was sick, and rode in much pain. My husband feared every moment that I would faint, and often whispered to me to have faith in God. Our silent yet earnest prayers were going up to heaven for strength to endure. Every ten miles the horses were changed. This was a great relief to me as I could step into a hotel a few minutes and rest by lying down. The Lord heard us pray, and strengthened me to finish the journey.
The first night after reaching the place of meeting, despondency pressed upon me. I tried to overcome it, but it seemed impossible to control my thoughts. My little ones burdened my mind. We had left one in the State of Maine two years and eight months old, and another babe in New York, nine months old. We had just performed a tedious269journey in great suffering, and I thought of those who were enjoying the society of their children in their own quiet homes. I reviewed our past life, calling to mind expressions which had been made by a sister only a few days before, who thought it must be very pleasant to be riding through the country without anything to trouble me. It was just such a life as she should delight in. At that very time my heart was yearning for my children, especially my babe, in New York, and I had just come from my sleeping room where I had been battling with my feelings, and with many tears had besought the Lord for strength to subdue all murmuring, and that I might cheerfully deny myself for Jesus’ sake. I thought that perhaps all regarded my journeyings in this light, and had not the least idea of the self-denial and sacrifice required to travel from place to place, meeting cold hearts, distant looks and severe speeches, separated from those who are closely entwined around my heart.
“While riding in the cars to that meeting I was unable to sit up. My husband made a bed on the seat, and I laid down with aching head and heart. The burden borne for others I dreaded above everything else. These things came before me the following night, and I found myself saying, ‘It won’t pay! So much labor to accomplish so little.’ In this state of mind I fell asleep and dreamed that a tall angel stood by my side, and asked me why I was sad. I related to him the thoughts that had troubled me, and said, ‘I can do so little good, why may we not be with our children, and enjoy their society?’ Said he, ‘You have given to the Lord two beautiful flowers, the fragrance of which is as sweet incense before him, and is more precious in his sight than gold or silver, for it is a heartgift. It draws upon every fiber of the heart as no other sacrifice can. You should not look upon present270appearances, but keep the eye single to your duty, single to God’s glory, and follow in his opening providence, and the path shall brighten before you. Every self-denial, every sacrifice is faithfully recorded, and will bring its reward.’
“The blessing of the Lord attended our conference at Sutton, and after the meeting closed we went on our way to Canada East. My throat troubled me much, and I could not speak aloud, or even whisper, without suffering. We rode praying as we went for strength to endure the journey. About every ten miles we were obliged to stop that I might rest. My husband braided the tall grass and tied the horse to it, giving him a chance to feed, then spread my cloak upon the grass for a resting place for me. Thus we continued until we arrived at Melbourne. We expected to meet opposition there. Many who professed to believe in the near coming of our Saviour fought against the law of God. We felt the need of strength from God. I could not speak aloud, and often inquired, For what have I come this long distance? Again we tried to exercise faith, knowing that our only help was in God. We prayed that the Lord would manifest himself unto us. My earnest prayer was that the disease might leave my throat, and that my voice might be restored. I had the evidence that the hand of God there touched me. The difficulty was instantly removed, and my voice was clear. The candle of the Lord shone about us during that meeting, and we enjoyed great freedom. The children of God were greatly strengthened and encouraged.
We then returned to Vermont, and again my advice failed me, yet we met our appointment at Madison, and found quite a number of brethren and eight souls collected. Some were in a perplexed and unsettled condition. Certain fanatics had imposed271upon them, and cast a fear over them which held them in bondage. The conscientious were so fearful of offending God, and had so little confidence in themselves, that they dared not rise and assert their liberty. The night after we arrived I fainted a number of times through weakness. But in answer to prayer I was revived, and strength was given me of the Lord to go through the meeting. We knew that on the next day we should have to battle with the powers of darkness, and that Satan would muster his forces. In the morning the two individuals, Libbey and Bailey, who had so long deceived and oppressed God’s children came into the meeting with two women dressed in white linen to represent the righteousness of the saints, and with their long, black hair, hanging loose about their shoulders. I had a message for them, and while I was speaking L. kept his black eyes fastened upon me, but I had no fear of his influence. Strength was given me from Heaven to rise above their satanic power. The children of God who had been held in bondage began to breathe free, and rejoice in the Lord.
“As our meeting progressed, these fanatics sought to rise and speak, but they could not find opportunity. But as prayer was being offered at the close of the meeting, B. came to the door and commenced speaking. The door was closed upon him. He opened it and again began to speak. The power of God fell upon my husband, and the color left his face, as he arose from his knees, and laid his hand upon B., exclaiming, ‘The Lord does not want your testimony here. The Lord does not want you here to distract and crush his people!’ The power of God filled the room, and B. commenced to fall backward against the house. The power of God in the house was painful to that fanatical party. B. looked terrified. He staggered and came near falling to the floor.272The place was awful on account of the presence of the Lord. All that company of darkness left the place, and the sweet Spirit of the Lord rested upon his dear, tried children. The cause of God in Vermont had been cursed by fanatical spirits, but at this meeting these wicked persons received a check from which they never recovered.
“From Vermont we returned to the State of New York, very anxious to see our child whom we had left. We had been from him five weeks, and as we met him and he clasped his little arms about my neck and laid his head upon my shoulder, I saw that a great change had taken place in him. He was very feeble. My feelings cannot be described. It was difficult to suppress murmuring feelings. These thoughts would arise, I left him in the hands of God to go and do his work, and now I find him in this condition. My agonized feelings found relief in tears. Then I became more calm and reconciled to the will of God. We tried to look at the child’s case in as favorable a light as possible, and were comforted with these words, ‘The Lord doth not afflict willingly, nor grieve the children of men.’ We felt that our only hope was in God, and prayed for the child and obtained signal answers to our prayers. The Spirit of the Lord rested upon us, and his symptoms became more favorable, so that we journeyed with him to Oswego to attend a conference there.
From Oswego we went to Centerport in company with Brother and Sister Edson, and made it our home at Brother Harris’s, where we published a monthly magazine, called the Advent Review. My child grew worse, and three times a day we had special seasons of prayer for him. Sometimes he would be blessed, and the progress of disease would be stayed, then our faith would be severely tried as273his symptoms became alarming. At one time we left him to go about two miles to Port Byron. Brother R. accompanied us intending to take the packet to Port Gibson. When we returned Sister H. met us at the door much agitated, saying, ‘Your babe is struck with death!’ We hastened to the child who lay unconscious. His little arms were purple. The death dampness seemed to be on his brow, and his eyes were dim. Oh, the anguish of my heart then! I could give up my child. I did not idolize him, but I knew that our enemies were ready to triumph over us and say, ‘Where is their God!’ I then said to my husband, There is but one thing more that we can do, that is to follow the Bible rule, and call the elders; but where should we go? We thought of Brother R. who had just left on the line-boat, intending to step aboard the first packet. In a moment we were decided for my husband to go for Brother R., drive on the tow-path until he overtook the line-boat, and bring him back. He drove five miles before overtaking the boat. While my husband was gone we were praying for the Lord to spare the life of the child until his father returned. Our petitions were answered. When they arrived, Brother R. anointed the child and prayed over him. We all united in the prayer offered. The child opened his eyes and knew us. A light shone upon his features, and the blessing of God rested upon us all. We had the assurance that the power of the enemy was broken.
The next morning I was greatly depressed in spirits. Such queries as this troubled me, Why was not God willing to hear our prayers and raise the child to health? Satan, ever ready with his temptations, suggested that it was because we were not right. I could think of no particular thing wherein I had grieved the Lord, yet a crushing weight seemed to be on my spirits, driving me to274despair. I doubted my acceptance with God, and could not pray. I had not courage so much as to lift my eyes to heaven. I suffered intense anguish of mind until my husband besought the Lord in my behalf. He would not yield the point until my voice was united with his for deliverance. It came, and I began to hope, and my trembling faith grasped the promises of God. Then Satan came in another form. My husband was taken very sick. His symptoms were alarming. He cramped at intervals, and suffered excruciating pain. His feet and limbs were cold. I rubbed them until I had no strength to do so longer. Brother Harris was away some miles at his work, and there were only Sisters Harris and Bonfoey and my sister Sarah present, and I was just gathering courage to dare believe in the promises of God. If ever I felt my weakness it was then. We knew that something must be done immediately. Every moment his case was growing more critical. It was clearly a case of cholera. He asked us to pray, and we dared not refuse, and in great weakness we bowed before the Lord. With a deep sense of my unworthiness, I laid my hands upon his head, and prayed the Lord to reveal his power. A change was effected immediately. The natural color of his face returned, and the light of Heaven beamed upon his countenance. We were all filled with gratitude unspeakable. We never had witnessed a more remarkable answer to prayer.
“That day was appointed for us to go to Port Byron to read the proof-sheets of the paper that was being printed at Auburn. It appeared to us that Satan was trying to hinder the publication of truth that we were laboring to get before the people. We felt that we must walk out upon faith. My husband said he would go to Port Byron for the proof-sheets, and we helped him harness the horse,275and then I accompanied him. The Lord strengthened him on the way. He received his proof and a note stating that the paper would be off next day, and we must be at Auburn to receive it. That night we were awakened by the screams of our little Edson who slept in the room above us. It was about midnight. Our little boy would cling to Sr. B., then with both hands fight the air, for we could see nothing, and then in terror he would cry, No, no, and cling closer to us. We knew this was Satan’s work to annoy us, and we knelt in prayer, and husband rebuked the evil spirit in the name of the Lord, and Edson quietly fell asleep in Sr. B.’s arms, and rested well through the night.
Then my husband was again attacked. He was in much pain. I knelt at the bedside and prayed the Lord to strengthen our faith. I knew the Lord had wrought for him, and rebuked the disease, and we could not ask him to do what had already been done. But we prayed that the Lord would carry on his work. We repeated these words, ‘Thou hast heard prayer! Thou hast wrought! We believe without a doubt! Carry on the work thou hast begun!’ Thus we plead two hours before the Lord, and while we were praying, he fell asleep and rested well till daylight. He then arose very weak, but we would not look at appearance. We trusted the promise of God. He said it should be done, and we believed and determined to walk out by faith. We were expected at Auburn that day to receive the first number of the paper. We believed that Satan was trying to hinder us, and my husband decided he should go, trusting in the Lord. Brother H. made ready the carriage, and Sister B. accompanied us. My husband had to be helped into the wagon, yet every mile we rode he gained strength. We kept our minds stayed upon God, and our faith in constant exercise as we rode on276peaceful and happy. We hired a room in a hotel for the purpose of reading proof for the last time and in the afternoon as I looked out of the window I saw my husband carrying a heavy case of type from one office to another. This alarmed me, but the Lord gave him strength, and when we received the paper all finished, and rode back to Centerport, we felt sure that we were in the path of duty. The blessing of God rested upon us. We had been greatly buffeted by Satan, but through Christ strengthening us we had come off victorious. We had a large bundle of papers with us containing precious truth for the people of God.
Our child was recovering, and Satan was not permitted to afflict him again. We worked early and late, sometimes not allowing ourselves time to sit at the table to eat our meals, but having a piece by our side we would eat and work at the same time. By overtaxing my strength in folding large sheets, I brought on a severe pain in my shoulder which did not leave me for years. We had been anticipating a journey East, and our child was again well enough to travel. We took the packet for Utica. There was on the boat a young woman from Centerport who was busy relating to others some things concerning us. And they would occasionally promenade back and forth the length of the boat to get a view of me. They had been informed that I had visions, and the young lady was heard to say, “They are such a strange people! They can be heard praying at all times in the day, and often in the night. Most of their time is spent in prayer.” Many curious eyes were turned towards us, to examine us, especially the one who had visions. There was at one time some trouble on the boat. The chamber-maid had been abused by one of the passengers. She went with her complaint to the captain of the boat, and gained many sympathizers.277While she was describing the one who had abused her, many eyes were turned towards me, as the dress described answered very nearly to my dress. It was whispered round, “It is her! It is her! The one that has visions! What a shame!” And a zealous one spoke up and asked if it was me, pointing towards me. “Oh no, no,” said she in her Irish tongue, “Surely she is as nice a little woman as there is on the boat.” I could but notice how gladly they would have had me the guilty one, because I had visions.
“Next they inquired if I believed in the spirit rapping that had just commenced in Rochester. I told them that I believed there was a reality in it, but it was an evil spirit instead of a good one. They looked at each other and said, ‘What blasphemy! I would not repeat those words for my life.’ With religious horror they withdrew from our company, and manifested a fear to approach us afterwards. Some were very curious to know what physician had been attending my child. We told them we had not applied to any earthly physician. A minister and his wife and children were on board. Two of their children were very sick, and the mother inquired in regard to the remedies we had used. I told her the course we had pursued, that we had followed the prescription of the apostle James, chapter 5, and the Lord had wrought for us as no earthly physician could, and we were not afraid to trust our child in his hands, and he was fast improving. The only answer was, ‘If that was my child, and I had no physician, I should know it would die.’ At Utica we parted with Sister B., my sister S. and our child, and went on our way to the East, while Brother Abbey took them home with him. We had to make some sacrifice in our feelings to separate from those who were bound to us by tender ties; especially did our hearts278cling to little Edson whose life had been so much in danger. We then journeyed to Vermont and held a conference at Sutton.”