Choosing a Wife for Ministry: Essential Questions and Counsel

Choosing the right companion is a decision that affects your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being for both this life and the eternal world to come2SM 481.2+1. For a missionary and leader, your choice will either be a powerful blessing to the cause of God or a heavy burden that paralyzes your energies and ruins your influencePH167 30.2+1.

Here is a detailed list of essential questions you must reflect upon and ask before deciding on a marriage alliance:

Questions Regarding Character and Upbringing

• What is the stamp of her character? You must look beyond a winning exterior to the true quality of her heart18MR 312.3.

• Does she honor and respect her parents? If she does not manifest filial obligation and kindness in her childhood home, she is not prepared to promote happiness in a home of her own18MR 312.3+1.

• Is she patient with mistakes, or is she critical and dictatorial? A woman who lacks patience or possesses a critical spirit will make married life a burden18MR 312.3.

• Does she have good common sense? This is a vital necessity for the practicalities of life and mission work18MR 312.3.

Questions Regarding Spiritual Qualifications

• Is she a sincere Christian and "in the Lord"? You are permitted to contract marriage only with one who is a soldier of the cross and in union with ChristLYL 25.4+2.

• Will she allow you to preserve your individuality of conscience? You must ensure that your judgment and conscience remain under the supreme control of ChristT32 118.1.

• Will she be a help to you in your spiritual life? Marriage should make you more spiritual and more useful in the work of GodLYL 21.5+2.

• Does she love the truth and the Word of God? A companion for a leader must have a deep, personal interest in the law of God and the prayer meeting1EGWLM 856.3+1.

Questions Regarding Missionary and Leadership Fitness

• Is she an educator in practical life skills? A missionary’s wife should understand the best methods of labor, such as cooking and health principles, to be an influence among those she servesPH081 26.1.

• Will she be a model of disinterested love and self-denial? Missionary workers must sacrifice every idol and have an eye single to the glory of God9LtMs, Ms 109, 1894, par. 7.

• Can she share in the happiness that angels commend? The home of a leader should be a symbol of heaven, characterized by peace and the presence of holy angelsCCh 130.6+1.

• Does she possess the necessary spiritual qualifications for the work? A leader’s companion must have an intelligent, practical experience in the things of God to be a true help19LtMs, Lt 323, 1904, par. 2.

Questions Regarding Physical and Future Well-being

• Is her life pure and her record honorable? You must watch every development of character and inquire into her past recordPH167 35.1+1.

• What will be the physical and moral stamp of the children born to this union? You must consider if the marriage will secure the well-being of your posterity or transmit diminished energy to the next generationCCh 112.2+2.

..., happy union, who would escape future misery and sorrow, inquire before she yields her affections, Has my lover a mother? What is the stamp of her character? Does he recognize his filial obligations to her? Is he mindful...— 18MR 312.3 (1990)

...re whether he with whom she is about to unite her destiny is worthy. What has been his past record? Is his life pure? Is the love which he expresses of a noble, elevated character, or is it a mere emotional fondness? Has he the traits of character that will make her happy? Can she find true peace and joy in his affection? Will she be allowed to preserve her individuality, or must her judgment and conscience be surrendered to the control of her husband? As a disciple of...— T32 118.1 (1885)

I told her she should consider the object of a marriage with you, whether by such a step you could both glorify God; whether you would be more spiritual; and whether your lives would be more useful. Marriages that are impulsive and selfishly planned ge...— LYL 21.5 (1983)

... in marriage. These counsels set forth factors important to a happy, successful marriage and to the happiness and welfare of the children born to that marriage. They also present factors that may impair the success of the union. Ellen White assures us that “Jesus wants to see happy marriages, happy firesides” (The Adventist Home, 99). “The Choice of a Life Companion,” she admonished, “should be such as best to secure physical, mental, and spiritual well-being for parents and for their children.”—The Ministry of Healing, 357— 2SM 481.2 (1958)

... unhappy reflections after marriage. This step taken unwisely is one of the most effective means of ruining the usefulness of men and women. Life becomes a burden, a curse. No one can so effectually ruin a woman’s happiness and usefulness as her own husband. Heaven has registered the words and actions of men who have tyrannized over their wives. And no one can do one-hundredth part as much to chill the hopes and aspirations of a man, no one can paralyze his energies and make life a heart-sickening burden as his own wife, and she may ruin his influence and his pros...— 4LtMs, Lt 3, 1886, par. 26 (1883)

...e best results. This will be appreciated where means are difficult to obtain. They will reveal that missionaries can become educators in teaching them how to labor. A much smaller fund will be required to sustain such missionaries, b...— PH081 26.1 (1898)

Love is a plant of heavenly origin. It is not unreasonable; it is not blind. It is pure and holy. But the passion of the natural heart is another thing altogether, While pure love will take God into all its plans, and will be in perfect harmony with the Spirit of God, passion will be headstrong, rash, unreasona...— RH September 25, 1888, par. 11 (1851)

How can the missionary workers be laborers together with God unless they are models of disinterested love, having sacrificed every idol? Why is it that missionaries do not plan their life work after the example that has been given them in Christ? They should labor patiently, putting all their faculties and powers to the very highest use. Deviation from the path of self-denial will make of no effect the most eloquent words. Christ is seeking to draw the world to himself, and those who volunteer to be missionaries must have an eye single to the glory of God, or they cannot be agents through whom the Lord can complete his work. How can the Lord be pleased ...— 9LtMs, Ms 109, 1894, par. 7