Overcoming a Critical Spirit in Marriage

It is vital for your friend to understand that a hard, critical, and exacting spirit is inspired by the enemy and serves only to defile the soul and destroy the sanctity of the home15MR 165.1+1. The most important step he can take is to recognize that love, kindness, and tender thoughtfulness are as necessary for a marriage as food is to sustain physical strengthSA 120.2.

The Danger of a Critical Spirit

• Satanic Influence: A spirit of fault-finding, scolding, and evil-surmising is inspired by Satan and is a root of bitterness that defiles many15MR 165.1+1.

• Barriers to God: Those who indulge in a censorious and judicial spirit lose the virtue of humility and are given up to do Satan’s work15MR 165.1+1.

• Loss of Peace: A cold and critical heart drives out the love of Jesus, leaving a vacuum that only His Spirit of tenderness can fill6LtMs, Ms 40a, 1890, par. 76.

• A Call to Repentance: God calls upon those in the judgment seat to come down, repent, and return to their "first love" Revelation 2:2-4BCL 99.5.

The Duty of the Husband

• Tender Thoughtfulness: It is the duty of every husband to studiously avoid marring the feelings of his wife and to control every look of fretfulness or passionSA 120.2.

• Encouraging Words: Kind and cheerful words are more beneficial to a wife’s health than any medicine; they bring light to her heart that reflects back upon the husbandSA 120.2.

• Sacred Obligations: Marriage vows are sacred, and husbands are under solemn obligation to God to help and bless their wives25LtMs, Lt 16, 1911, par. 4.

• Christlike Love: Husbands are commanded to love their wives even as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it Ephesians 5:25.

Steps Toward Restoration

• Self-Discipline and Prayer: Difficulties vanish when we pray; if there is a transient interruption of cordiality, it rarely survives the sincerity of family prayerGCB February 17, 1895, page 198.7+1.

• Confession and Reformation: If he has failed in his duty, your friend should gather his family, acknowledge his neglect, and ask for their help in making the home what it ought to beCG 557.3.

• Focus on Jesus: Instead of training the imagination to see defects in others, he must keep his eye fixed on the lovely character of Jesus15MR 165.1+1.

• Mutual Trust: While the marriage makes two people one, each retains a separate identity and individuality that must be respected and not buried in selfish engrossment10MR 24.2+1.

Practical Advice for Daily Life

• Cultivate Courtesy: He should manifest a tender thoughtfulness in small matters, acknowledging kind acts and little courtesiesSA 120.2.

• Control Speech: Silence is eloquence unless he can speak in patience, kindness, and tenderness to win his wife’s heart15MR 165.1.

• Internal Change: He must seek a transformation of character that overcomes obstinacy and self-sufficiency, replacing them with kindness and affectionRH February 2, 1886, par. 18.

• Follow the Golden Rule: He should remember the petition: "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us" Matthew 6:12ARSH March 13, 1866, page 115.5.

The blessing of God in the home is like the sunshine of heaven when a husband and wife are linked in holy union under the control of Jesus ChristAH 102.1. Encourage your friend to open the door of his heart so that Christ may enter and supply the compassion he currently lacks Revelation 3:206LtMs, Ms 40a, 1890, par. 76.