Earlier text: CONFLICTS AND VICTORY.This expression is often used to represent the manners and words of persons who reprove those who are wrong or are supposed to be wrong. It is properly applied to those who have no duty to reprove their brethren yet are ready to engage in this work in a rash and unsparing manner. It is improperly applied to those who have a special duty to do in reproving wrongs in the church. Such have the burden of the work, and feel compelled, from a love of precious souls, to deal faithfully. From time to time for the past twenty years I have been shown that the Lord had qualified my husband for the work of faithfully dealing with the erring, and had laid the burden upon him, and that if he should fail to do his duty in this respect he would incur the displeasure of the Lord. I have never regarded his judgment infallible, nor his words inspired; but I have ever believed him better qualified for this work than any other one of our preachers, because of his long experience, and because I have seen that he was especially called and adapted613 to the work; and also because in many cases where persons have risen up against his reproofs, I have been shown that he was right in his judgment of matters and in his manner of reproving. For the past twenty years those who have been reproved, and their sympathizers, have indulged an accusing spirit toward my husband, which has worn upon him more than any other one of the cruel burdens he has unjustly borne. And when he fell beneath his burdens, many of those who had been reproved rejoiced; and from a mistaken idea of my view of his case, Dec. 25, 1865, were much comforted with the thought that the Lord at that time reproved him for “cutting and slashing.” This is all a mistake. I saw no such thing. That my brethren may know what I did see in the case of my husband, I give the following, which I wrote and handed to him the next day after I had the vision:— I was shown in vision, Dec. 25, 1865, the case of the servant of the Lord, my husband, Eld. James White. I was shown that God had accepted his humiliation, and the afflicting of his soul before him, and his confessions of his lack of consecration to God, and his repentance for the errors and mistakes in his course which have caused him such sorrow and despondency of mind during his protracted illness. I was shown that his greatest wrong in the past has been an unforgiving spirit toward those brethren who have injured his influence in the cause of God, and brought upon him extreme suffering of mind by their wrong course. He was not as pitiful and compassionate as our heavenly Father has been toward his erring, sinning, repenting children. When those who have caused him the greatest suffering, acknowledged their wrongs heartily and fully, he could and did forgive them, and fellowship them as brethren. But although the wrong was healed in the sight of God, yet he sometimes in his own mind probed that wound, and by referring to the past he suffered it to fester and make him unhappy. The614 fact that he had in his past course suffered so much which in his opinion might have been avoided, led him to indulge a murmuring spirit against his brethren, and against the Lord. In this way he lived over the past and revived trials which should have passed into oblivion, instead of imbittering his life with unprofitable remembrances. He has not always realized the pity and love that should be exercised toward those who have been so unfortunate as to fall under the temptations of Satan. They were the real sufferers, the losers, not he, as long as he was steadfast, possessing the spirit of Christ. When these souls began to see their errors, they had a hard battle to work their way to the light by humble confessions. They had Satan to contend with, and their own proud spirit to overcome, and they needed help from those who were in the light to bring them from their blind, discouraging condition, where they could begin to hope and obtain strength to bruise Satan under their feet. I saw that my husband had been too exacting toward those who were wrong, and had injured him. He indulged dissatisfied feelings, which could be of no benefit to the erring, and could but make his own heart very unhappy, unfitting it for the peace of God to dwell there, which would lead him in everything to give thanks. The Lord permitted his mind to be desponding in regard to his own errors and mistakes, and to nearly despair of forgiveness, not because his sins were of such magnitude, but that he might know by experience how painful and agonizing it would be to be without the forgiveness of God, and that he might understand the scripture, “If ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” I saw that if God should be as exacting as we are, and should deal with us as we deal with one another, we might all be thrown into a state of hopeless despair. I was shown that God had suffered this affliction to come upon us to teach us much that we could not615 otherwise have learned in so short a time. It was his will that we should go to —, for our experience could not have been thorough without it. He would have us see, and more fully understand, that it is impossible for those who obey the truth and are keeping his commandments, to live up to their convictions of duty, and unite with the leaders at —; so far as serving God is concerned, their principles can unite no better than oil and water. It is only those of the purest principles and the greatest independence of mind, who think and act for themselves, having the fear of God before them, and trusting in him, who can safely remain any length of time at —. Those who are not thus qualified should not be advised to go to that institution, for their minds will become bewildered by the smooth words of its conductors, and poisoned by their sophistry which originates with Satan. originates with Satan.
Their influence and teachings in regard to the service of God and a religious life, are in direct opposition to the teachings of our Saviour and his disciples. By precept and example they lower the standard of piety, and say that they need not sorrow for their sins, or separate from the world, in order to be followers of Christ, but can mingle with the world, and participate in its pleasures. These leaders would not encourage their adherents to imitate the life of Christ in prayerfulness, sobriety, and dependence upon God. Persons of conscientious minds and firm trust in God cannot receive one-half as much benefit at — as those can who have confidence in the religious principles of the leaders of that institution. The former have to stand braced against much of their teachings, so far as religious principles are concerned, sifting everything they hear lest they should be deceived and Satan obtain advantage over them. I saw that, as far as disease and its treatment is concerned, — is the best health institution in the United States. Yet the leaders there are but men,616 and their judgment is not always correct. The leading physician there would have his patients believe that his judgment is perfect, even as the judgment of God. Yet he often fails. He exalts himself as God, and fails to exalt the Lord as the only dependence. Those who have no trust or confidence in God, and who can see no beauty in holiness or in the cross-bearing life of the Christian, can receive more benefit at — than at any other health institution in the United States. The great secret of the success at this place is in the control which the managers have over the minds of their patients. I saw that my husband and myself could not receive as much benefit there as could those of different experience and faith. Said the angel, “God has not designed that the mind of his servant, whom he has chosen for a special purpose, to do a special work, should be controlled by any living man, for that is his prerogative alone.” Angels of God kept us while we were at —. They were round about us, sustaining us every hour. But the time came when we could not benefit nor be benefited, and then the cloud of light, which had rested with us there, moved away, and we could find rest only in leaving there, and going among the brethren in Rochester, where the cloud of light rested. I saw that God would have us go to — for several reasons. Our position while there, the earnest prayers we offered, our manifest trust in God, the cheerfulness, courage, hope, and faith with which he inspired us amidst our afflictions, had an influence, and were a testimony to all that the Christian has a source of strength and happiness to which the lovers of pleasure are strangers. God gave us a place in the hearts of all of influence at —, and in the future, as the patients now there shall be scattered to their different homes, our labors will bring us again to their notice, and when we are assailed, some, at least, will be our defenders. Again, in going to — the Lord would have us benefited by an experience which617 we would not obtain while at Battle Creek, surrounded by sympathizing brethren and sisters. We must be separated from them, lest we lean upon them, instead of leaning upon the Lord and trusting in him alone. Separated almost entirely from God’s people, we were shaken from every earthly help, and led to look to God alone. In so doing we obtained an experience which we could not have had if we had not gone to —. When my husband’s courage and hope began to waver, we could not benefit any one at that place, and could not be benefited by a further experience there. It was the will of God that my husband should not remain there shorn of his strength, but that in his state of weakness he should go among his brethren who could help him bear his afflictions. While separated from God’s people in our affliction, we had an opportunity to reflect, to carefully review our past life, and see our mistakes and wrongs, and to humble ourselves before God and seek his face by confession, humility, and frequent, earnest prayer. While engaged in active labor, bearing the burdens of others, and pressed with many cares, it was impossible for us to find time to reflect and carefully review the past, and learn the lessons which God saw that it was necessary for us to learn. I was then shown that God could not glorify his name by answering the supplications of his people, and raising my husband to health in answer to their prayers, while we were at ——. It would be like uniting his power with the power of darkness. Had he been pleased to manifest his power in restoring my husband, the physicians there would have taken the glory which should be given to God. Said the angel, “God will be glorified in the restoration of his servant to health. God has heard the prayers of his servants. His arms are beneath his afflicted servant. God has the case, and he must, although afflicted, dismiss his fears, his anxiety, his doubts and unbelief, and calmly trust in the great yet merciful God, who pities, loves, and cares for him.618 He will have conflicts with the enemy, but should ever be comforted with the remembrance that a stronger than the enemy has charge of him, and he need not fear. By faith rely on the evidences which God has been pleased to give, and he will gloriously triumph in God.” I saw that the Lord was giving us an experience which would be of the highest value to us in the future in connection with his work. We are living in a solemn time, amid the closing scenes of this earth’s history, and God’s people are not awake. They must arouse and make greater progress in reforming their habits of living, in eating, in dressing, in laboring and resting. In all these they should glorify God and be prepared to give battle to our great foe, and to enjoy the precious victories which God has in reserve for those who are exercising temperance in all things while striving for an incorruptible crown. I saw that God was fitting up my husband to engage in the solemn, sacred work of reform which he designs shall progress among his people. It is important that instructions should be given by ministers in regard to living temperately. They should show the relation which eating, working, resting, and dressing, sustain to health. All who believe the truth for these last days, have something to do in this matter. It concerns them, and God requires them to arouse and interest themselves in this reform. He will not be pleased with their course if they regard this question with indifference. The abuses of the stomach by the gratification of appetite, are the fruitful source of most church trials. Those who eat and work intemperately and irrationally, talk and act irrationally. An intemperate man cannot be a patient man. It is not necessary to drink alcoholic liquors in order to be intemperate. The sin of intemperate eating, eating too frequently, too much, and of rich, unwholesome food, destroys the healthy action of the digestive organs, affects the brain, and perverts the judgment, preventing rational, calm,619 healthy thinking and acting. And this is a fruitful source of church trials. Therefore in order for the people of God to be in an acceptable state with him, where they can glorify him in their bodies and spirits which are his, they must with interest and zeal deny the gratification of their appetites, and exercise temperance in all things. Then may they comprehend the truth in its beauty and clearness, and carry it out in their lives, and by a judicious, wise, straight forward course, give the enemies of our faith no occasion to reproach the cause of truth. God requires all who believe the truth to make special, persevering efforts to place themselves in the best possible condition of bodily health, for a solemn and important work is before us. Health of body and mind is required for this work; it is as essential to a healthy religious experience, to advancement in the Christian life, and progress in holiness, as is the hand or foot to the human body. God requires his people to cleanse themselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of the Lord. All those who are indifferent and excuse themselves from this work, waiting for the Lord to do for them that which he requires them to do for themselves, will be found wanting when the meek of the earth, who have wrought his judgments, are hid in the day of the Lord’s anger. I was shown that if God’s people make no efforts on their part, but wait for the refreshing to come upon them and remove their wrongs and correct their errors; if they depend upon that to cleanse them from filthiness of the flesh and spirit, and fit them to engage in the loud cry of the third angel, they will be found wanting. The refreshing or power of God comes only on those who have prepared themselves for it by doing the work which God bids them, namely, cleansing themselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. I was shown that in some respects my husband’s case is similar to that of those waiting for the refreshing620 ing. If he should wait for the power of God to come upon his body, to feel that he was made whole before he made efforts in accordance with his faith, saying, When the Lord heals me I will believe and do this or that, he might continue to wait, and would realize no change; for the fulfillment of God’s promise is only realized by those who believe and then work in accordance with their faith. I saw that he must believe God’s word, that his promises are for him to claim, and they will never, no never, fail. He should walk out by faith, relying upon the evidences that God has been pleased to give, and work, as much as possible, to the point of becoming a well man. Said the angel, “God will sustain him. His faith must be made perfect by works; for faith alone is dead. It must be sustained by works. A living faith is always manifested by works.” I saw that my husband would be inclined to shrink from making efforts in accordance with his faith. Fear and anxiety in regard to his own case have made him timid. He looks at appearances, at disagreeable feelings of the body. Said the angel, “Feeling is not faith. Faith is simply to take God at his word.” I saw that in the name and strength of God my husband must resist disease, and, by the power of his will, rise above his poor feelings. He must assert his liberty, in the name and strength of Israel’s God. He must cease thinking and talking about himself as much as possible. He should be cheerful and happy. I did see, Dec. 25, 1865, as I have many times before seen, that Eld. F had often erred and had done much harm by a rash, unfeeling course toward those whom he supposed to be in fault. I had often seen that his work was in new fields, and that when he should bring out a company upon the present truth, he should leave the work of disciplining them to others, as his style of dealing, arising from his rash spirit, his lack of patience and of judgment, disqualified621 him for this work. I will here give the testimony which I had for Bro. F, written Dec. 26, 1865, to show what I did see in his case, and because of the general application of much of the testimony, and also because he has made no response whatever, only in stating to others that the Lord in that view reproved my husband for cutting and slashing. I would here state that another object in giving the following testimony is that our brethren may more fully understand that Bro. F’s work is in new fields, and that they may not place temptations in his way to leave his work, by urging him to labor here and there among the churches, or to settle here or there. DANGER OF SELF-CONFIDENCE.
Bro. F: Dec. 25, 1865, I was shown that a good work had commenced in Maine. Especially was the field of labor shown me where a company have been raised up as fruits of the labors of Bro. Andrews and yourself, where they have manifested their interest and love for the truth by erecting a house of worship. There is yet a great work to be done for this company. Quite a number have been converted to the theory of the truth; some have decided from the weight of evidence; they see a beauty in the connected chain of truth, all uniting in a harmonious, perfect whole; they love the principles of the truth, yet they have not realized its sanctifying influence. These souls are exposed to the perils of the last days. Satan has prepared his deceptions and snares for the inexperienced. He is working through his agents, even ministers who despise the truth, and trample upon the law of God themselves, and teach all who will listen to them to do the same. This company who have received unpopular truth, can be safe only as they make God their trust, and are sanctified by the truth which they profess. They have taken an important step, and now need a religious622 experience which will make them sons and daughters of the most high God, and heirs to the immortal inheritance purchased for them by his dear Son. Those who have been instrumental in presenting the truth to them should not withdraw their labors at this important period, but should still persevere in their efforts, until these souls are gathered into the fold of Christ. Sufficient instruction should be given for them to understandingly obtain for themselves the evidence that the truth is to them salvation. I saw that God would do a still greater work in Maine if all who labor in the cause there are consecrated to him, and trust not to their own strength, but to the Strength of Israel. I was shown that Bro. Andrews and yourself have labored hard, and have not had the rest which you should have given yourselves in order to preserve health. You should labor with care, and observe periods of rest. By so doing you will retain your physical and mental vigor, and render your labor much more efficient. Bro. F, you are a nervous man, and move much from impulse. Mental depression influences your labor very much. At times you feel a want of freedom, and think it is because others are in darkness or wrong, or that something is the matter, you can hardly tell what, and you make a drive somewhere, and upon somebody, which is liable to do great harm. If you would quiet yourself when in this restless, nervous condition, and rest, and calmly wait on God, and inquire if the trouble is not in yourself, you would save wounding your own soul and wounding the precious cause of God. I saw that Bro. F was in danger of becoming lifted up if he was enabled in his discourses to strongly move the feelings of the congregation. He would often think himself the most effectual preacher on that account. Here he sometimes deceives himself. Although he may be for the time the most acceptable preacher, yet he may fail to accomplish the most623 good. The preacher who can affect the feelings to the greatest degree does not thereby give evidence that he is the most useful. When Bro. F is humble, and makes God his trust, he can do much good. Angels come to his help, and he is blessed with clearness and freedom. But after a time of special victory, he has too often been lifted up, and thought himself equal to anything, thought that he was something, when he was only an instrument in the hands of God. After such seasons, angels of God have left him to his own weak strength, and then, though he himself was the one at fault, he would too frequently charge upon his brethren and the people the darkness and weakness he felt. While in this unhappy state of mind he frequently bears down upon this one and that one, and, even when his work is not half done, feels that he must remove, and commence labor elsewhere. I saw that Bro. F was in danger of going into battle in his own strength, but he will find that strength but weakness in the conflict. While he made God his trust, he has often been successful in combats with opposers of our faith. But he has sometimes felt elated with the victory which God has given truth over error, and has taken the glory to himself in these conflicts. Self has been magnified in his eyes. I was shown that in his last two discussions he did not have the right spirit. Previous to the first he became exalted by the flattery of men who love not the truth. As he listened to, and acted some part in, a discussion carried on between two who were not in the faith, he became lifted up, and thought himself sufficient to enter the battle with any one. And while he was so confident, he was, in the very act, shorn of his strength. God was displeased with his disregard of the counsel of Bro. Andrews. His self-sufficient spirit came near making that discussion an utter failure. Unless there is a decided gain in these combats, there is always a loss. They should never624 be rushed into heedlessly, but every move should be made cautiously, with the greatest wisdom, for far more is pending than in a national battle. Satan and his host are all astir at these conflicts between truth and error, and if the advocates of truth do not go into battle in the strength of God, Satan will manage to out-general them every time. In the second combat there was much, very much at stake. Yet here again Bro. F. failed. He did not engage in that conflict feeling his weakness, and in humility and simplicity relying upon the strength of God. He again felt a sufficiency in himself. His past successes had lifted him up. He thought that the victories he had gained, were very much due to his aptness in using the powerful arguments furnished in the word of God. I was shown that the advocates of truth should not seek discussions. And whenever it is necessary for the advancement of the cause of truth and the glory of God, that an opponent be met, how carefully, and with what humility should they go into the conflict. With heart-searching, confession of sin, and earnest prayer, and often fasting for a time, they should entreat that God would especially help them, and give his saving, precious truth a glorious victory, that error might appear in its true deformity, and its advocates be completely discomfited. Those who battle for the truth, against its opposers, should realize that they are not meeting merely men, but that they are contending with Satan and his angels, who are determined that error and darkness shall retain the field, and the truth be covered up with error. As error is most in accordance with the natural heart, it is taken for granted to be clear. Men who are at ease, love error and darkness, and are unwilling to be reformed by the truth. They do not love to come to the light, lest their deeds should be reproved. If those who stand in vindication of the truth, trust to the weight of argument, with but a feeble reliance upon God, and thus meet their opponents, nothing625 will be gained on the side of truth, but there will be a decided loss. Unless there is an evident victory in favor of truth, the matter is left worse than before the conflict. Those who might formerly have had convictions in regard to the truth, set their minds at rest, and decide in favor of error, because in their darkened state they cannot perceive that the truth had the advantage. These last two discussions did but little to advance the cause of God, and it would have been better had they not occurred. Bro. F did not engage in them with a spirit of self-abasement and a firm reliance upon God. He was puffed up by the enemy, and had a spirit of self-sufficiency and confidence not becoming a humble servant of Christ. He had on his own armor, not the armor of God. Bro. F, God had provided you with a laborer of deep experience, the ablest in the field. He was one who had been acquainted in his own experience with the wiles of Satan, and who had passed through most intense mental anguish. He had been permitted in the all-wise providence of God to feel the heat of the refining furnace, and had there learned that every refuge but God would fail, and every prop upon which he could lean for support would prove but a broken reed. You should have realized that Bro. Andrews had as deep an interest in the discussion as yourself, and you should have listened, in the spirit of humility, to his counsel, and profited by his instructions. But Satan had an object to gain here, to defeat the purpose of God, and he stepped in to take possession of your mind, and thereby thwart the work of God. You rushed into battle in your own strength, and angels left you to carry it on. But God in mercy to his cause would not suffer the enemies of his truth to obtain a decided victory, and in answer to the earnest, agonizing prayers of his servant, angels came to the rescue. Instead of an utter failure, there was a partial victory, that the enemies of truth might not exult over the believers. But nothing was gained626 by that effort, when there might have been a glorious triumph of truth over error. There were two of the ablest advocates of truth by your side; three men, with the strength of truth, to stand against one man who was seeking to cover up truth with error. In God you could have been a host, had you entered the conflict right. Your self-sufficiency caused it to be almost an entire failure. Never should you enter a discussion where so much is at stake, relying upon your aptness to handle strong arguments. If it cannot be well avoided, enter the conflict, but enter upon it with firm trust in God, and in the spirit of humility, in the spirit of Jesus, who has bidden you learn of him, who is meek and lowly in heart. And then in order to glorify God and exemplify the character of Christ, you should never take unlawful advantage of your opponent. Lay aside sarcasm and playing upon words. Remember that you are in a combat with Satan and his angels, as well as with the man. He who overcame Satan in Heaven, and vanquished the fallen foe and expelled him from Heaven, and who died to redeem fallen man from his power, when at the grave of Moses, disputing about his body, durst not bring against Satan a railing accusation, but said, “The Lord rebuke thee.” In your last two discussions you despised counsel, and would not listen to God’s servant whose whole soul was devoted to the work. God in his providence provided you an adviser whose talents and influence entitled him to your respect and confidence, and it could in no way have injured your dignity to be guided by his experienced judgment. God’s angels marked your self-sufficiency, and with grief turned from you. He could not safely display his power in your behalf, for you would have taken the glory to yourself, and your future labors would have been of but little value. I saw, Bro. F, that you should not, in your labors, lean upon your own judgment, which has so often led you astray. You should yield to the judgment of those627 of experience. Do not stand upon your own dignity, and feel so self-sufficient that you cannot take the advice and counsel of experienced fellow-laborers. Your wife has been no special help to you, but rather a hindrance. Had she received and heeded the testimonies given her more than two years ago, she would now be a strong helper with you in the gospel. But she has not received and really acted upon that testimony. Had she done this, her course would have been entirely different. She has not been consecrated to God. She loves her ease, shuns burdens, and does not deny herself. She indulges in indolence, and her example is not worthy of imitation, but is an injury to the cause of God. At times she exerts a strong influence over you, especially if she feels homesick or discontented. Again, in church affairs she has an influence over you. She forms her opinion of this brother or that sister, and expresses dislike or strong attachment, while it has frequently been the case that the very ones she takes into her heart have been a source of great trial to the church. Her unconsecrated state leads her to feel very strong attachments to those who manifest great confidence and love for her, while precious souls whom God loves may be passed coldly by, because no fervent expressions of attachment are heard from them toward herself and Bro. F. And yet the love of these very souls is true, and is to be more highly prized than that of those who make such protestations of their regard. The opinion your wife forms has a great influence on your mind. You often take it for granted that she is correct, and think as she thinks, and act in church matters accordingly. You must exemplify the life of Christ, for solemn responsibilities rest upon you. Your wife is responsible to God for her course. If she is a hindrance to you, she must render an account to God. Sometimes she arouses and humbles herself before God, and is a real help; but she soon falls back into the same inactive state, shunning responsibilities, and excusing628 herself from mental and physical labor. Her health would be far better if she were more active, if she would engage more cheerfully and heartily in physical and mental labor. She does not lack the ability, but the disposition to act; she will not persevere in cultivating a love for activity. God can do nothing for her in her present condition. She has something to do to arouse herself and devote to God her physical and mental energies. God requires this of her, and in the day of God she will be found an unprofitable servant, unless there is a thorough reformation on her part, and she lives up to the light given. Until this reformation takes place, she should not be at all united with her husband in his labors. God will bless and sustain Bro. F, if he moves forward in humility, leaning upon the judgment of experienced fellow-laborers. It is the work of Satan to deceive God’s people, and lead them from the right course. He will leave no means untried; he will come upon them where they are least guarded; hence the importance of fortifying every point. The Battle Creek church did not mean to turn against us, they are as good a church as lives; but there is much at stake at Battle Creek, and Satan will bring all his artillery against them, if by so doing he can hinder the work. We deeply sympathize with this church in their present humbled condition, and would say, Let not a spirit of triumph arise in any heart. God will heal all the wrongs of this dear people, and yet make them a mighty defense of his truth, if they walk humbly, and watch and guard every point against the attacks of Satan. This people are kept continually under the fire of the enemy. No other church would probably stand it as well, therefore look with a pitying eye toward your brethren at629 Battle Creek, and pray God to help them in keeping the fort. When my husband was inactive, and I was kept at home on his account, Satan was pleased, and no one was pressed by him to cast upon us such trials as are mentioned in the foregoing pages. But when we started out, Dec. 19, 1866, he saw that there was a prospect of our doing something in the cause of Christ to the injury of his cause, and that some of his deceptions upon the flock of God would be exposed. He therefore felt called upon to do something to hinder us. And in no way could he so effectually do this as to lead our old friends at Battle Creek to withdraw their sympathy, and cast burdens upon us. He took advantage of every unfavorable circumstance, and drove matters as by steam power. But, thank God, he did not stop us, nor fully crush us. Thank God that we still live, and that he has returned graciously to bless his erring, but now repenting, confessing people. Brethren, let us love them the more, and pray for them the more, now that God manifests his great love to them. TESTIMONY FOR THE CHURCH.
PUBLISHING PERSONAL TESTIMONIES.
In Testimony No. 13 I gave a brief sketch of our labors and trials from Dec. 19, 1866, to Oct. 21, 1867. In these pages I will notice the less painful experience of the past five months. During this time I have written many personal testimonies. And for many persons whom I have met in our field of labor during the past five months, I have testimonies still to write as I find time and have strength; but just what my duty is, in relation to these personal testimonies, has long been a matter of no small anxiety to me. With a few exceptions, I have sent them to the ones to whom they related, and have left these persons to dispose of them as they chose. The results have been various:— 1. Some have thankfully received the testimonies, and have responded to them in a good spirit, and have profited by them. These have been willing that their brethren should see the testimonies, and have freely and fully confessed their faults. 2. Others have acknowledged that the testimonies to them were true, but after reading them have laid them away to remain in silence, while they have made but little change in their lives. These testimonies related more or less to the churches to which these persons belonged, who could also have been benefited (630)631 by them. But all this was lost in consequence of these testimonies being held private. 3. Still others have rebelled against the testimonies. Some of these have responded in a fault-finding spirit. Some have shown bitterness, anger, and wrath, and in return for my toil and pains in writing the testimonies, they have turned upon us to injure us all they could; while others have held me for hours, in personal interviews, to pour into my ears and my aching heart their complaints, murmurings, and self-justifications, perhaps appealing to their own sympathies with weeping, and losing sight of their own faults and sins. The influence of these things has been terrible upon me, and has sometimes driven me nearly to distraction. That which has followed from the conduct of these unconsecrated, unthankful persons has cost me more suffering, and has worn upon my courage and health ten times more, than all the toil of writing the testimonies. And all this has been suffered by me, and my brethren and sisters generally have known nothing about it. They have had no just idea of the amount of wearing labor of this kind which I have had to perform, nor of the burdens and sufferings unjustly thrown upon me. I have given some personal communications in several numbers of my testimonies, and in some cases persons have been offended because I did not publish all such communications. On account of their number, this would be hardly possible, and it would be improper, from the fact that some of them relate to sins which need not, and should not, be made public. But I have finally decided that many of these personal testimonies should be published, as they all contain more or less reproof and instruction which apply to hundreds or thousands of others in similar condition. These should have the light which God has seen fit to give, which meets their cases. It is a wrong to shut it away from them by sending it to one person or to one place, where it is kept as a light632 under a bushel. My convictions of duty on this point have been greatly strengthened by the following dream:— A grove of evergreens was presented before me. Several, including myself, were laboring among them. I was bidden to closely inspect the trees, and see if they were in a flourishing condition. I observed that some were being bent and deformed by the wind, and needed to be supported by stakes. I was carefully removing the dirt from the feeble and dying trees to ascertain the cause of their condition. I discovered worms at the roots of some. Others had not been watered properly, and were dying with drought. The roots of others had been crowded together to their injury. My work was to explain to the workmen the different reasons why these trees did not prosper. This was necessary from the fact that trees in other grounds were liable to be affected as these had been, and the cause of their not flourishing, and how they should be cultivated and treated, must be made known. In this testimony, I speak freely of the case of Sister Hannah More, not from a willingness to grieve the Battle Creek church, but from a sense of duty. I love that church notwithstanding their faults. I know of no church that in acts of benevolence and general duty do so well. I present the frightful facts in this case to arouse our people everywhere to a sense of their duty. Not one in twenty of those who have a good standing with Seventh-day Adventists, is living out the self-sacrificing principles of the word of God. But let not their enemies, who are destitute of the first principles of the doctrine of Christ, take advantage of the fact that they are reproved. This is evidence that they are the children of the Lord. Those who are without chastisement, says the apostle, are bastards, and not sons. Then let not these illegitimate children boast over the lawful sons and daughters of the Almighty.